Born: Nov 4th, 2007
Weight: 7 pounds, 12 ounces
Height: 20.5 inches.
Here are some pics:
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A Tap on the Glass
It was just a tap on the glass, but it was so much more! Yesterday, is a day I’ll never forget. My beautiful bride gave birth to Kasen Mathew (our first child) at 5:08pm. He was 20.5 inches long and weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces. It had been an incredibly long day as she worked her way through labor, but when it came time to push, she was great. I saw his head the first time she pushed. He has lots of hair. After we had a little time with him, they took him away to the hospital nursery for a couple of hours. The nurse took me there so I’d know how to find him. As she winded her way around all those hallways, my mind wandered about whether I could find him even though she had taken me there. I wasn’t allowed into the nursery, so I stood outside watching them check him over. It was a quiet hallway, and the first time I was alone – away from the crowd of family and doctors. I looked at him through the glass and imagined the future. I imagined playing football and chasing him around the house. I watched him play with the dogs in my mind. I dreamt of Christmas and taking him camping. What would it be like to sing him to sleep? Will my lifestyle speak to him about Jesus? How will I care for him when he’s crying? What will I do? How do I. . . .? How. . . Oh no! I don’t know the first thing about raising a child. How could God give such an incredible gift to someone like me? What am I gonna do? I’m not ready for this. Tap. Tap. The nurse tapped gently on the glass calling me back to the present. Beckoning me out of my imagination and into reality. She mouthed something about giving him a bottle and I answered.
I realize now that I don’t have to know everything. I just have to be ready to love him in the present. I’ll figure it all out as I go along. I’ll trust God to help me be the father He’s called me to be. It was just a tap on the glass, but it taught me something. . . . something profound. . . . .something important about living in the present and about trusting God.
Stars and Vision
The other night Miranda and I decided to go out to eat in Pearland. Montana, one of the youth, was bored and called us so she ended up going with us. As we drove back towards Lake Jackson, Miranda said that it would be a beautiful night to look at the stars. We were pretty close to the exit for Brazos Bend State Park, which is also where the George Observatory is, so I said, “Why not? We don’t have any other big plans, so let’s go on over there.” We had always talked about checking it out, but never done it. Anyway, we got there and it all ended up being a bit more costly than I had thought, but still, a great experience. There were quite a few amateur astronomers out there with their telescopes pointed to quite a few different things and they all allowed us to look too. It was, in some ways, a pretty cool little community. I wonder how the church church would be different if everyone shared their excitement and passions with others?
Anyway, we got a really close look at the moon, the planet Neptune, a “double-double,” M15, and Holmes’ Comet. The talk of the night was Holmes’ comet. Evidently in the past few days it changed from a very dim comet to a very bright one. It orbits somewhere just inside Jupiter and takes six years to go around the sun one time. It also doesn’t have a tail like I imagined comets to have. Most theories about why it’s gotten brighter have to do with it breaking up and gaining more surface area to be seen. It can be seen with the naked eye right now. The double-double is actually four stars. Two pairs of them have somehow gotten into an orbit around each other. They look like two stars until you look a little closer and realize there are actually four. 
M15 was pretty interesting too. It’s a globular cluster of stars that are 3500 light years away. That means that the image I was looking at was 3500 years old. They may not exist at all right now – it just took 3500 years for the light to travel that distance – it’d be another 3500 years before I could look at what it actually looks like today. Weird stuff to think about. This means that as we learn to look deeper and deeper into space we can actually see into history itself. Considering that they say they have seen stars millions of light years away, how does this fit with the whole creation story in Genesis? How old is the earth? Are faith and science at odds? I’ll never know the answers to these questions, but these kinds of experiences make me think.
OK – so if we can see into the past, is it possible to see the future? How can I be the kind of man who can lead others into the future that God desires for them? In order to find certain stars in the sky, the astronomers used other stars as reference points. Over the years I’ve learned to figure out God’s direction by looking into my past and focusing on specific reference points to draw a line into the future. I understand how that works for an individual, but what about doing that for a group? a church? a ministry? How far do you need to look into the past? How do you determine what reference points to focus on? Is this why relationship is so important? – so people will trust you with their past enough for you to discover a future? How do I find the “yellow brick road” for a group of people? Or do I just start walking the road He has for me (like Dorthy) and get others to join me in the journey?
Prayer:
OK God. I’ve got all kinds of questions. I know You’re using this time in my life to expand my understanding and view of You, and I’m so grateful to be growing. Help me to answer these questions and lead me to ask the right questions. I truly want the future that You have for me.
My Beautiful Bride Today
Miranda was exceptionally beautiful to me today. I’m not sure what the deal was, but today she looked even more incredible than normally. Maybe it’s this “radiant glow” thing that people say happens with pregnant women. Maybe it was what she was wearing today or the attitude/outlook she had on life today. Maybe it was my outlook on life today. Maybe it was the way that God shined His light on her today or how all the planets aligned to cause a special gravitational pull which subtly pulled on me causing a heart palpitation within my chest cavity blah, blah, blah. Bottom line. . . . I don’t know what it was today – I just know that I’m so blessed. God has given me such an incredible gift in my bride. I’m so excited about our future together. It’s gonna be so cool to watch her as a mom to Kasen. I’m excited about the team that we’re going to be in raising him.
Our lives are about to change in huge ways once Kasen is born and I must admit that my excitement about the future also has a tiny little hint of sadness/fear about those changes too. I mean, I love my bride and the relationship that we have. I love that we can just get up and go to dinner or travel to Houston to do something fun. I love hanging out with her and cuddling in front of the TV for a quiet night at home together. I’m a little fearful that these days are almost over. Of course I’m excited about what’s coming and how we’re gonna be changed, but I’d be completely clueless to not recognize the beautiful thing we have now.
I thank You God for everything you’ve given me – for my bride, and these incredible early days or marriage, and for the amazing future You have in store for us with Kasen. It’s gonna be so good!!! I love You God!!!
Family
I just got some new pictures scanned and added them to a another photo album. They’re from last year – before Ethan and Brianna joined the family, but still worth sharing with you guys. Here’s the link to the album if you’re interested.
I Miss my Baby
No, I don’t mean Kasen (He’s still in Miranda’s tummy) – I’m talking about my original baby – Miranda. I got to see her a little last week while we went with the youth to Meridian State Park, 
(notice the pic) but didn’t really get any alone-time with her. We didn’t really expect to either, but still kinda hoped.
Anyway, this past week I was at church camp in Lakeview and she went to Alabama to see her Grandma (they call her Gran). She won’t get back ’til Monday night and then I have to be at meetings and school all day Tuesday. She leaves again Wednesday morning to go with the youth choir to New Mexico – I’m already sick of the summer, and we’ve hardly gotten started. What’s a guy supposed to do? I got married ’cause I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this incredible woman and now (with her pregnant) it just seems like it’s being stripped away. I don’t regret my job or my call to ministry in any way – this is just a difficult time for she and I.
Pray for us – not only do we hate being apart, but we’re simply better people to be around when we’re together. She definitely brings out the best in me, and I can already feel myself slipping into someone I don’t wanna be. It’s my prayer that each of you (if you haven’t already) can find someone like my beautiful bride to live your life with – unless of course God wants you to be single. Anyway, my bride is amazing and it’s truly an incredible experience to be able to live my life with her!
It’s a Boy!!!
Yep – we found out yesterday, that we’re gonna have little boy! All his parts are in correct order too. He has two kidneys, a stomach, a spine, two arms and legs, etc. . . I was even able to see the four chambers of his heart. It was all pretty amazing. They said he was 10 ounces right now so considering that I drink lots of 20oz drinks, I figure that means I could drink him twice right now. (Sorry, maybe I’m sick, but I thought that was kinda funny.)
Anyway, we’re kickin around the name Kasen Mathew. Let me know what you think. That’s why we haven’t decided for sure. We wanna see what the name means to people and what kind of memories or thoughts it stirs up. According to my research it means (1) “purity” in one language, (2) “shining upon mankind” in another and (3) “protected by a helmet” in another. The middle name “Mathew” is Miranda’s maiden name.
Anyway, here are some pics. I know, I sound like an idiot proud father here, but I guess that’s what I’ve become. This first one is his profile.
Here he is smiling at the camera. (Seriously, you could see him opening and closing his mouth.)
He waved at the camera in this one. His hand is near his face.
Pregnancy and Poetry
I just thought I’d write about the strangest Bible class I’ve been to so far. It really wasn’t strange because of Dr. Loken, but because of me. About 10 minutes before I entered my class on the Psalms the other night, Miranda called me and said that she was pregnant. WooHoo!!! I’m gonna be a dad! Amazing!!!! I’m gonna be a dad! God is blessing me with a child of my own!!! I will have the opportunity to understand more fully the love that God has for me as I love my child unconditionally. I will learn how it must feel for Him to take care of my needs and I’ll get to learn how to love someone else more like the way He loves each of us. There’s no question – I’m clueless as to how this is gonna impact my life. I know it’s gonna be an amazing blessing, but I also know there are some tough roads to walk ahead of me. Lord, help me.
Anyway, all these thoughts are just racing through my mind as I try to concentrate on how the book of Psalms was put together, how there are 5 main sections, and how some are considered laments, and others are joyous, and others are for specific occasions like when kings were enthroned, and how this one was blah, and this one has a subscript that explains its blah, blah, and it wasn’t long before my mind was hearing blah, blah, “you’re gonna be a father,” and blah, blah, blah, and “that’s a huge responsibility”, and blah, blah. . . . . . . . . .Oh finally, a break – I’ll go call my mom!!!!
With a little grin on my face. . . .”Hey mom – yep – she’s officially pregnant!” I think her word that night was “Ecstatic!!!” Anyway, she says, “be sure to call your sister.” (I found out later, that she had an ulterior motive – she was making sure that I’d be talking to Brenda next, so that she could call and tell my brother.) Anyway, I call my sister, Brenda, and tell her the good news and she’s all excited that she’s gonna be an aunt again. She also tells me that she and Schonn are getting ready to buy a new house. (Gosh, God is good – He’s blessing all of us in so many ways.) Next I call my brother, Roger, and it takes him a while to answer, but when he does, he says, “Congratulations!!!” That’s when I figured out what mom had done. Roger said, she called and said she just had to tell someone. I’m gonna have to give her a hard time about that one later.
OK – break’s over – Psalms, blah, blah, You’re gonna be a dad, acrostic psalm 119, blah, you were just a crazy sinner, and now you’re gonna be a dad, congratulations, blah, blah, read your favorite psalm to the class, hmm. . . . favorite psalm? which one is about being a Father? maybe 103? I dunno. . . .
I’m not sure what else we really talked about in class, but I do have good notes that I can look back over. Hopefully it’ll all come back to me when I need to know it.
I looked around at some of the Psalms to find a favorite and Ps 103 captures what I was feeling that night the best, but I also found a poem on-line that pretty well says what I’m feeling about being a Father. I changed almost all of it to fit my circumstances better, but a few of the lines are certainly not mine. Maybe we can call it my “modern Psalm” or something.
COME OUT AND PLAY
My heart seems to beat a little faster these days.
Maybe it’s the thought of my life changing in so many ways.
I’ve heard so many tales of sleepless nights,
And tests of patience taken to new heights.
Yet my excitement grows as we count down each week,
For I know soon we will finally meet.
I have a little fear, I must admit,
The whole fatherhood thing, will I be good at it?
I’ve always been told that I’m a big kid,
But Dad was the same, and I hope to be like him.
Should I imagine playing with footballs and spaceships?
or maybe Barbies, dancing, and painting lips?
I’ll introduce you to family, cousins, and dogs.
Our fridge will be home to the things that you draw.
I’ll raise you in church and pray His Word be Your sword.
Will the way that we live introduce you to the Lord?
I’ll take you to the zoo, and the mountains, and the beach.
What’s your favorite toy? and for what dreams will you reach?
Can I watch on as mom leads you in prayer?
What will it be like to brush your hair?
Will you run to our bed when you have a nightmare?
Will you be tall? Do you like cheese? What will you like to wear?
Can I slay the monster under your bed?
What other things will run around in your head?
How will I explain the birds and the bees?
Oh, I must have a million of these,
Answers to questions, questions to ponder,
Things to see, places to wander.
Together, we’ll be the ultimate team,
Limited only by what we can dream.
So as the weeks are counted down, I anxiously await,
That Oh – so – wonderful date.
When the waiting’s over and we will all smile,
as I hold you in my arms, My beautiful child.
Cruising through School
No, I’m not trying to say that school is a breeze. It’s just that Miranda and I went on a cruise last week and I missed out on class. We had an incredible time.
I guess when it comes to school, in some ways I could say I’ve been “cruising” through. It’s not been easy sailing, but I guess it’s just the right time in my life for me to be in school. I’m really enjoying all that I’ve been learning and it seems like the time is going rather quickly. Up to this point, I’ve completed three classes and received “A”s on at least the first two. (I feel like I’ll get an “A” on the other one too) It’s been a whole lot of work and certainly requires more time than I ever imagined, but it’s just been really interesting – it’s not a painful process for me like school was for me years ago.
I had to read some while I was on my cruise and ended up even doing some homework while I was there. I had made plans to not take any homework with me, and really could have gotten away with not doing any of it, but I discovered that I wanted to do it. Now that’s really weird – “wanting” to do homework. What’s wrong with me??
We got to do lots of stuff on the trip – swam in a cenote (underground river) and saw Chichen Itza (Mayan Ruins) not to mention all the great food and shows on the ship. I even laid on the ruins of a table where the Mayan’s practiced human sacrifice. 
I call it my “living sacrifice” pic. The more I’ve thought about it since then, the more guilty I feel for doing it. I certainly didn’t want to be disrespectful to the people, but I guess it didn’t really occur to me in the moment ’cause there were lots of people running around back and forth over the spot where I was. For all I know, maybe that isn’t even the real spot, but it was the best we could figure.
We also got to know the people who we ate dinner with on the ship each night. I don’t think any of them were really church goers. One couple certainly was not and the other two couples talked about how they spent most of their weekends on Texas lakes with their boats. Anyway, Miranda and I were wondering what would a church look like that they would consider attending? Would they come if the services were on Wednesday night or sometime other than Sunday morning? There’s nothing Scriptural that says we as NT Christians are bound to the Sabbath, or even that Sunday is the new Sabbath. Our culture has adopted that from the early Christians who enjoyed celebrating on Sunday because it was the day of the resurrection. Would there be anything wrong with Wednesday being the day of worship? Some might say that Wednesday doesn’t work ’cause it’s a “work day,” but wasn’t Sunday a “work day” for the first Christians? Besides, if worship is a lifestyle and not an event, isn’t every day supposed to be a “day of worship?” Anyway, these are just some of our thoughts. . . . .what do you guys think?
Abraham
Last night was a crazy night. We were getting all kinds of warnings about the weather and the news people were saying not to get out in it all. It was supposed to freeze, and schools were shutting down. But I had class. I really have enjoyed the classes I’ve been taking and so even with all the warnings and an hour and a half drive, I decided to go anyway. I called ahead to make sure we were going to have class before I left, and they said they were so I headed out.
As I drove, I listened to a couple of sermons by Rob Bell. (That has kinda become my habit on the way to school. I get Rob’s latest teaching every week that way.) The roads weren’t too bad. Certainly not as bad as I had expected after all the hype the news people were making – I didn’t see any ice at all. When I got to school, I heard that we were having class, but that Dr Loken wasn’t there and we’d be watching a movie. I was dramatically disappointed. (Wow that’s a nice alliteration – “dramatically disappointed” – Can you say A.D.D.? Sorry.)
We sat for two and a half hours and watched “Abraham” with Richard Harris. Every time he spoke I couldn’t help but hear Caesar from the movie “Gladiator.” It was a pretty good movie. There were lots of parts that they had to write in and guess about how things might have been, but it still followed the Biblical text for the most part. The scene at the end of the movie where Abraham is tested and is asked to sacrifice his son Issac was interesting – Issac is portrayed as understanding what Abraham is going to do and even tells him to tie him up tighter. I never imagined it quite like that. I always figured that Abraham had to wrestle his son to the ground to tie him up. Maybe the sense of honoring your parents that they instilled in their children was greater than what we see today – wait, I’m sure it was – but I’m just not sure about how much more ti was. Could Isaac have offered himself to his dad and ultimately to the Lord like that?
I did take special note of what Abraham said to his servants as I watched last night. They accurately portrayed him as saying that he and the boy would go up the mountain to worship and then they’d both return, but Abraham spoke these things with a fearful and trembling tone – it almost seemed as if He didn’t believe they’d both return. I’m sure it would be normal to be fearful about the whole situation, but this is the moment of faith that He is commended for in Hebrews, and He believed in God’s promise (that He’d make a great nation of him) so much that He thought Isaac would be raised from the dead.
It’s interesting to me that both faith and doubt were so clearly co-existing in this situation, but Abraham chose to act on the faith. In this moment, even though the Jewish faith doesn’t yet exist, Abraham is half Jewish (faithful) and half Gentile (doubtful) on the outside, but is still completely Jewish on the inside – in His heart, He remains faithful.
The truth is that, for me, faith and doubt co-exist more often than not. Even in my best, most faithful moments, when I put on my game face and act on faith, my insides are twisting and turning, trembling and fearful. It’s in those moments when I put fear aside and trust in God – it’s in those moments when my faith is stretched, and doubt is defeated. If I imagine myself like Abraham – everything in my life culminating to one moment of choosing faith or doubt. What would I do? Can I put fear aside? Would I act on faith? It’s one thing to act in faith in a normal everyday sort of situation, but what about when my whole life’s journey is at stake? Would I stake my life on Christ? Would I stake my son’s life on Christ?
Prayer: Lord, I don’t know much. I know that You are all that I need. I know that You have provided for me over and over in my life. I know that You love me. I know that without You, I would never have any faith at all. I know that doubt consumes me when I’m on my own. I know that there’s a battle within me between doubt and faith. I’m grateful for the battle, because I know that means You’re in me. I also know that sometimes I let the doubt to win out in my life. Sometimes I even encourage it. Lord, change that part of me. I mean, I know You’re gonna win – there’s no battle that isn’t Yours for the taking. Lord, win in me. I trust that in the momnts where I must choose, You will show me Your way of faith. Lord, nudge me – No, push me – push me hard – throw me to the ground if You must – but make me go Your way – Let me walk in faith no matter what the cost. In those testing moments, I want to honor You. In every moment, I want to honor You. I want to honor You.