Kasen is looking more like his daddy everyday.
Ha! Ha! Had a little fun with photoshop.
Here’s more pics.
I know you’re sick of them all, but I still gotta put them up. Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I’m working on papers for class and everything is due Tuesday night. Maybe I’ll find some time after that. Anyway, here are some more pics. (Thanks Kye Han!!) I especially enjoy the one where Kasen got to be Jesus ’cause my mom and dad were Mary and Joseph when I was a baby too. 
Here’s one of me as Jesus from December 1969.
Some more of Kasen.
A New Leadership Course
Sunday, I started a new leadership course. I’m not sure how I’ll be graded or even what is required, but I do know that this class will continue for the rest of my life. It’s not one that I can spend a few hours on each week either – it’ll require total commitment. The class I’m referring to of course is fatherhood. Kasen was born Sunday night and so I’ve begun this new journey. It’s much more than a leadership class, but that will be at least part of it.
As I look back, I recognize the leadership that my dad gave me as I grew up. I’m sure I could never recognize all that he did, but let me talk about a few things:
He taught me how to play baseball. (I’m actually left-handed, but play the way he taught me – right-handed.) He coached my little league teams in football, t-ball, and baseball. He read stories to my brother and I at bedtime. (That’s me on the left with the dark hair.) He showed me how to “play” and that adults could “play” too. He laughed alot and showed me how. He taught me how to do woodworking stuff. He taught me that families need to do long road trips together.
He taught me so much more, but you know. . . . .as I think about it, I realize that it’s not so much the outward things he taught me or did for me that I’m most grateful for. I’m most grateful for the example that he gave me – for his character. My dad taught me about God – not by talking about Him, but by loving me unconditionally. As he shouted and cheered for me on the football field, I understood how much God loved me and cheered for me. He showed me forgiveness and I learned about being childlike (as Christ calls us) by watching him play with my friends and laugh with us. I’ll probably never understand the depths of my dad’s influence on me and on my perception/understanding of God. My dad truly led me, but most people who knew him probably wouldn’t have called him a leader. He led out of his character and through his relationship with us. His leadership is evidenced in all three of his children. My brother, sister, and I, all work with kids and love serving God by guiding and leading/influencing others. I pray that I can be like him. I want to lead others to know God not just with my words, but by the way I live.
This new class I’ve started is one that millions of men have registered for throughout the centuries. It’s probably the biggest opportunity to influence a life that any of us will ever have. I wish the world recognized it’s importance – too many men have failed. I want to be a man who does not fail – one who truly places this leadership role as a priority.
Prayer: Lord, show me how to “be” – Who to “be” – and give me strength/courage/and whatever I’ll need to “be” what you’ve called me to “be” in this role as “leader” of my family and child. PS – thank you for the incredible blessing of Kasen! Cover him with Yourself. Protect him from evil. Guide Him to a knowledge of Your son Jesus Christ. Allow me to be a consistent presence in his life that represents You to him. Bring other people into his life who will lead him to a deeper/saving relationship with You. AMEN!
PS – I had an incredible experience this weekend as Kasen was born. I cried tears of joy over and over. The one thing I cried sad tears about was that this experience made me remember my dad again. (He died of leukemia.) I thought about things I haven’t thought about for years and wished he could have been there with us. I wish he could look into Kasen’s eyes, and I wish he could play football with him and read stories to him and roll around in the front yard being silly with him. I guess this is God’s way of saying to me that I should be intentional about doing those things. I can’t imagine that anyone ever gets to the end of their life and regrets the time they spent playing with their children – I certainly won’t – I will play just like my dad. (Doesn’t that make you smile? I know it makes dad smile, and I’d be willing to bet that it makes God smile too.)
My Beautiful Bride Today
Miranda was exceptionally beautiful to me today. I’m not sure what the deal was, but today she looked even more incredible than normally. Maybe it’s this “radiant glow” thing that people say happens with pregnant women. Maybe it was what she was wearing today or the attitude/outlook she had on life today. Maybe it was my outlook on life today. Maybe it was the way that God shined His light on her today or how all the planets aligned to cause a special gravitational pull which subtly pulled on me causing a heart palpitation within my chest cavity blah, blah, blah. Bottom line. . . . I don’t know what it was today – I just know that I’m so blessed. God has given me such an incredible gift in my bride. I’m so excited about our future together. It’s gonna be so cool to watch her as a mom to Kasen. I’m excited about the team that we’re going to be in raising him.
Our lives are about to change in huge ways once Kasen is born and I must admit that my excitement about the future also has a tiny little hint of sadness/fear about those changes too. I mean, I love my bride and the relationship that we have. I love that we can just get up and go to dinner or travel to Houston to do something fun. I love hanging out with her and cuddling in front of the TV for a quiet night at home together. I’m a little fearful that these days are almost over. Of course I’m excited about what’s coming and how we’re gonna be changed, but I’d be completely clueless to not recognize the beautiful thing we have now.
I thank You God for everything you’ve given me – for my bride, and these incredible early days or marriage, and for the amazing future You have in store for us with Kasen. It’s gonna be so good!!! I love You God!!!
Rainforests, Closets and Nurseries
Yeah – we’ve decided to do our nursery with a rainforest theme. We decided this before we knew if Kasen was gonna be a boy or a girl. The plan was that if it turned out to be a girl, we’d add butterflies and flowers, and if it was a boy we’d add monkeys and bugs. Anyway, we painted the room a really bright green pretty early on after we found out Miranda was pregnant. One of the youth (Montana) helped us get it painted. She did a GREAT job too – there’s only one problem – once we got it on the wall, we realized how bright it really was. Almost scary bright if you know what I mean. (By the way, the picture here doesn’t really show how bright it is – it’s so bright that you can see a green glow on the opposite white wall in the hallway.) Anyway, our hope was that when we started putting other things into the room, it would calm it down a bit. (Note: I really wanted bright colors instead of the typical pastel baby colors that are normally used.)
All this is to say that we worked a whole lot last week in cleaning things out of the closet so we could begin turning it into the nursery that we want. We got out all the stuff that people have already bought and moved a dresser into the room along with some fake trees that we bought. Anyway, things are coming together. My mom, sister, nephew, and niece came in town too and they helped us pick out some of the stuff. Mom even helped us figure out how to do some curtains (she’s gonna make them) and make them match some linens for the crib. (She’s gonna make those too)
Closets – so as I cleaned out the closet where Kasen’s nursery is gonna be, I found all kinds of fun stuff. That particular closet had become the “Steve’s old treasures” closet. I threw away quite a bit – a CD player, a DVD player, a set of speakers, and a few other things. But I also found some other stuff that brings back great memories for me.
My rock collection (yeah – you never knew I was one of “those” guys did you?)
Star Wars collector’s cards (I have the entire “Empire Strike Back” collection from when I was really little – I wonder what I could sell it for on E-bay?)
Sheet Music from Texas Wesleyan
School Yearbooks from Jr. High and High School
Old Bibles
My Tape collection – Yes – I’m that old – I remember when I bought my first CD and it was long after I started collecting music.
Anyway, all of these things bring back all kinds of memories for me. They have helped to make me who I am today in one way or another. Of course they don’t even come close to the influence that God or my family has had on me, but regardless these things still have still shaped me and the way that I think. As I cleaned out this closet, I wondered what kinds of things would be collected these for Kasen.
I wonder what things we’ll dig out of his closet one day? I wonder what things will help to shape him? I prayed over that closet. I prayed that the things which end up in that space, will be things which we have intentionally placed there. Things which we chose for him ’cause we knew they’d have an impact on who he becomes. I pray that God will give us wisdom in choosing these things. I also pray that it won’t become a place where we just throw stuff that we really don’t care about. (‘Cause I think that has an impact too – it’s just not an intentional one – it’s not an impact that you chose for yourself.)
Wow – all this just over a nursery closet – what have I gotten myself into? I’m not ready for this whole parenting thing. If there’s this much to think about over a closet – how will I ever think through everything else in his life in the way that I should?
God – I need you! Please guide me. Show me your desires for Kasen. I know you will provide, but help me to be a good steward and make the right choices which would help him to grow up in such a way that he comes to know You. In a way that he would choose to serve You. Keep my bride safe and healthy as she carries Kasen for these next few months. Hold him close to Your heart and continue knitting him together in the way that You see fit. Create him inside Miranda. Mold him into a man who will honor You with his life, his words, his decisions, his everything. – by the way, mold me to be that way too – AMEN!
I Miss my Baby
No, I don’t mean Kasen (He’s still in Miranda’s tummy) – I’m talking about my original baby – Miranda. I got to see her a little last week while we went with the youth to Meridian State Park, 
(notice the pic) but didn’t really get any alone-time with her. We didn’t really expect to either, but still kinda hoped.
Anyway, this past week I was at church camp in Lakeview and she went to Alabama to see her Grandma (they call her Gran). She won’t get back ’til Monday night and then I have to be at meetings and school all day Tuesday. She leaves again Wednesday morning to go with the youth choir to New Mexico – I’m already sick of the summer, and we’ve hardly gotten started. What’s a guy supposed to do? I got married ’cause I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this incredible woman and now (with her pregnant) it just seems like it’s being stripped away. I don’t regret my job or my call to ministry in any way – this is just a difficult time for she and I.
Pray for us – not only do we hate being apart, but we’re simply better people to be around when we’re together. She definitely brings out the best in me, and I can already feel myself slipping into someone I don’t wanna be. It’s my prayer that each of you (if you haven’t already) can find someone like my beautiful bride to live your life with – unless of course God wants you to be single. Anyway, my bride is amazing and it’s truly an incredible experience to be able to live my life with her!
It’s a Boy!!!
Yep – we found out yesterday, that we’re gonna have little boy! All his parts are in correct order too. He has two kidneys, a stomach, a spine, two arms and legs, etc. . . I was even able to see the four chambers of his heart. It was all pretty amazing. They said he was 10 ounces right now so considering that I drink lots of 20oz drinks, I figure that means I could drink him twice right now. (Sorry, maybe I’m sick, but I thought that was kinda funny.)
Anyway, we’re kickin around the name Kasen Mathew. Let me know what you think. That’s why we haven’t decided for sure. We wanna see what the name means to people and what kind of memories or thoughts it stirs up. According to my research it means (1) “purity” in one language, (2) “shining upon mankind” in another and (3) “protected by a helmet” in another. The middle name “Mathew” is Miranda’s maiden name.
Anyway, here are some pics. I know, I sound like an idiot proud father here, but I guess that’s what I’ve become. This first one is his profile.
Here he is smiling at the camera. (Seriously, you could see him opening and closing his mouth.)
He waved at the camera in this one. His hand is near his face.
Pregnancy and Poetry
I just thought I’d write about the strangest Bible class I’ve been to so far. It really wasn’t strange because of Dr. Loken, but because of me. About 10 minutes before I entered my class on the Psalms the other night, Miranda called me and said that she was pregnant. WooHoo!!! I’m gonna be a dad! Amazing!!!! I’m gonna be a dad! God is blessing me with a child of my own!!! I will have the opportunity to understand more fully the love that God has for me as I love my child unconditionally. I will learn how it must feel for Him to take care of my needs and I’ll get to learn how to love someone else more like the way He loves each of us. There’s no question – I’m clueless as to how this is gonna impact my life. I know it’s gonna be an amazing blessing, but I also know there are some tough roads to walk ahead of me. Lord, help me.
Anyway, all these thoughts are just racing through my mind as I try to concentrate on how the book of Psalms was put together, how there are 5 main sections, and how some are considered laments, and others are joyous, and others are for specific occasions like when kings were enthroned, and how this one was blah, and this one has a subscript that explains its blah, blah, and it wasn’t long before my mind was hearing blah, blah, “you’re gonna be a father,” and blah, blah, blah, and “that’s a huge responsibility”, and blah, blah. . . . . . . . . .Oh finally, a break – I’ll go call my mom!!!!
With a little grin on my face. . . .”Hey mom – yep – she’s officially pregnant!” I think her word that night was “Ecstatic!!!” Anyway, she says, “be sure to call your sister.” (I found out later, that she had an ulterior motive – she was making sure that I’d be talking to Brenda next, so that she could call and tell my brother.) Anyway, I call my sister, Brenda, and tell her the good news and she’s all excited that she’s gonna be an aunt again. She also tells me that she and Schonn are getting ready to buy a new house. (Gosh, God is good – He’s blessing all of us in so many ways.) Next I call my brother, Roger, and it takes him a while to answer, but when he does, he says, “Congratulations!!!” That’s when I figured out what mom had done. Roger said, she called and said she just had to tell someone. I’m gonna have to give her a hard time about that one later.
OK – break’s over – Psalms, blah, blah, You’re gonna be a dad, acrostic psalm 119, blah, you were just a crazy sinner, and now you’re gonna be a dad, congratulations, blah, blah, read your favorite psalm to the class, hmm. . . . favorite psalm? which one is about being a Father? maybe 103? I dunno. . . .
I’m not sure what else we really talked about in class, but I do have good notes that I can look back over. Hopefully it’ll all come back to me when I need to know it.
I looked around at some of the Psalms to find a favorite and Ps 103 captures what I was feeling that night the best, but I also found a poem on-line that pretty well says what I’m feeling about being a Father. I changed almost all of it to fit my circumstances better, but a few of the lines are certainly not mine. Maybe we can call it my “modern Psalm” or something.
COME OUT AND PLAY
My heart seems to beat a little faster these days.
Maybe it’s the thought of my life changing in so many ways.
I’ve heard so many tales of sleepless nights,
And tests of patience taken to new heights.
Yet my excitement grows as we count down each week,
For I know soon we will finally meet.
I have a little fear, I must admit,
The whole fatherhood thing, will I be good at it?
I’ve always been told that I’m a big kid,
But Dad was the same, and I hope to be like him.
Should I imagine playing with footballs and spaceships?
or maybe Barbies, dancing, and painting lips?
I’ll introduce you to family, cousins, and dogs.
Our fridge will be home to the things that you draw.
I’ll raise you in church and pray His Word be Your sword.
Will the way that we live introduce you to the Lord?
I’ll take you to the zoo, and the mountains, and the beach.
What’s your favorite toy? and for what dreams will you reach?
Can I watch on as mom leads you in prayer?
What will it be like to brush your hair?
Will you run to our bed when you have a nightmare?
Will you be tall? Do you like cheese? What will you like to wear?
Can I slay the monster under your bed?
What other things will run around in your head?
How will I explain the birds and the bees?
Oh, I must have a million of these,
Answers to questions, questions to ponder,
Things to see, places to wander.
Together, we’ll be the ultimate team,
Limited only by what we can dream.
So as the weeks are counted down, I anxiously await,
That Oh – so – wonderful date.
When the waiting’s over and we will all smile,
as I hold you in my arms, My beautiful child.