Tag: fight

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Conflict & Reconciliation

Matthew 18:15-20 – If someone sins against you, then you are responsible for going to them to explain how they’ve hurt you and seek reconciliation.

Matthew 5:23 – If you have sinned against someone, then you are responsible for going to them seeking reconciliation.

I can’t help but notice that we are personally responsible for all of our relationships – even if someone has wronged us. No matter who has sinned – we are personally responsible. If we as Christians would practice this, we’d have both parties coming to each other simultaneously seeking reconciliation. Does that ever happen? I’d say it’s pretty rare – most of the time at least one of the parties wants to hold a grudge or be bitter about it all. Have you ever heard anyone say that so and so didn’t handle this or that biblically ’cause they didn’t come to me about it. According to these Scriptures, the person saying that is just as much in the wrong. The one instance I’m not sure about is this – what if you know someone has a problem with you – there is broken relationship, and they are accusing you falsely. If they don’t come to us (which doesn’t happen very often) then are we responsible to go to them? When we haven’t sinned?

Romans 14 talks about this stuff too. Verse 13 says, “Don’t put any stumbling block in your brothers way.” It’s critical to realize that this is talking about “stumbling” in regards to their relationship with Christ. It doesn’t apply to someone being offended that you wore jeans to church. In issues of preference, we are to accept one another without passing judgment (14:1) and yet still lovingly defend our own position (14:16) – always remembering to “make every effort to do what leads to peace.” (14:19)

It’s interesting to me that we are each responsible for maintaining good relationships in regards to sin and hurting one another (which has to do with division in the body), but in other areas we are instructed to live lovingly an humbly in  the tension of different viewpoints and preferences. It makes complete sense really – it’s all about priorities and keeping the main thing the main thing.

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Enemy Soldiers in the Church

In my Biblical Leadership Studies at CBS, I discovered quite a few types of enemy soldiers in the church. Here’s a list:

Aggressors – Always on the march for their own ideas. They push their viewpoint, regardless of merit. They win by wearing others down. Battle cry: “The best defense is a good offense!”

Attackers – are against everything. They attack others’ ideas fiercely and sometimes attack the people themselves – always looking for a fight. Battle cry: “They may win, but we’ll make ’em pay!”

Commander – needs to be in control and call the shots. They think the church will die without their control. They think they should be consulted on all decisions. Battle cry: “I’m in charge here at the church!”

Snipers – operate from hiding places. They hide behind others or talk behind your back, sending explosive missiles to destroy your credibility or reputation. Battle cry: “Watch your back, Jack.”

Smart Bombs – are perfectionists who are always right. Their way is the only correct way. No other approach is rational, biblical, or spiritual and anyone who disagrees is seen as an obstacle to be removed by any means necessary. Battle cry: “I’m right! You’ll see!”

Stealth Bombers – try to destroy you because they disagree with you. They lob hand grenades at you when you least expect it. They also like anonymous letters. Battle cry: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I’m the meanest man in the valley.”

Psy-Warriors – win by spreading misinformation. They are experts at “spin” and know how to make lies sound believable. They can even make witnesses wonder what they really saw. Battle cry: “There are lots of others who feel this way!”

Strategists – are power players who are skilled at getting their way. They exploit weaknesses and manipulate to build a power base or gain votes. Battle cry: “My ends justify any means!”

Self-Inflicted Wounded – are always hurting. They are easily offended so that they can control others without having to be responsible for any constructive involvement. They like the attention too. Battle cry: “No pain, no gain.”

Not only have I witnessed each of these enemies throughout my years of ministry, but I must admit that I have probably played each of these roles at one time or another. I’m praying that I can learn to deal with church politics in much more healthy ways though. When conflict comes, I’ve gotta remember the biblical standards found in Matthew 18:15-17. I’ll also be better prepared if I’ll wear the armor God has provided. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

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Stories I Need to Tell – Sword Fighting

I’ve told you guys quite a bit about my nephew Tyler. Here’s a story about his younger brother, Tucker.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATucker and Tyler were really into the “Lord of the Rings” movies, so we played swords a lot during those days. (I couldn’t find a pic with swords – only this one of Tucker with the hulk hands – we used to do battle with them too.) One day while playing with Tucker, we slung the swords at each other like crazy and as the swinging ceased for a brief moment, he decided that he had beat me. There was no real reason – he just said that he had beat me. I was still holding my sword though. He pushed his sword up to my chest and demanded for me to drop my sword. I acted as if I were going to and then started swinging again. He wouldn’t fight back though. Why? According to him, he had already beat me. So I let him put his sword in my chest again and we began this dialog.

I said, “Why should I drop my sword? I’ll never let you kill me. Never surrender!!”

He said, “You will.”

“Why would I do that?”

“‘Cause I said so.” (let me remind you that he was about 3 feet tall.)

“I won’t.”

“You will.”

“No, I won’t surrender. . . . . .Ever.”

“Yes, you will,” he said.

One more time I asked, “Why would I do that?” Then I dropped my sword.

He dropped his too and ran to me with arms wide open saying, “This is why.”

He hugged me as hard as he could and I held him too.

I actually held him and said in my most evil voice, “Now, I’ve got you!” And we played the “You can’t escape game.”

Anyway, later that night when I laid down for bed I wondered if there had been times when I was trying to fight or do battle with the world, and God just wanted a hug? I wondered what would have happened if I had never dropped my sword with Tucker? What about other people that I think I need to do battle with? Is there a way I could hug them instead of fighting? Would I allow myself to drop my sword with them?

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Lions, Little Boys, and Me

Here are just a few thoughts about stuff God has been showing me lately. I’m not sure how it all fits together, but I’m gonna try to explain it here as best I can.

The story that sparked my thoughts was from Efrem Smith at Ichthus during the communion service. He talked about a tribe (I think in Africa) where they practice a coming of age ritual for boys. When they are about twelve they are expected to kill a lion in order to become a man! Since I teach a guys small group I wondered what I could do to help my guys “become men.” Anyway, here’s how the boys do it: (According to Efrem this practice is still in existence)

06-06-22The bravest boy sneaks up on the lion while he sleeps and then runs to a certain place where 4 other boys are ready to attack the lion with spears and knives. When the lion is killed, the bravest boy (the one who woke the lion) cuts off the mane and wears it as a symbol of his bravery.

Efrem used this story to go on and talk about the “lion” (Satan) who prowls about seeking to steal, kill, and destroy us. He also spoke of the “lions” in our lives which attack us like addictions, bad habits, unhealthy relationships, etc.

My mind went somewhere else though – I was thinking that Efrem was talking about Satan attacking us, but his story was about these boys attacking him. Maybe that’s the difference in a boy and a man. Boys live life trying to prepare for when Satan attacks them, and men live planning their attack on the lion. It’s the difference in living life defensively or offensively. Another BIG difference is that boys get attacked by a lion they never see, but men (with this definition) CHOOSE THEIR LION. When they attack their lion they know where the resistance will come from.

As I look at different youth who I have watched grow up, I can see pretty clearly how this difference plays out in their lives. Here’s an example I heard this weekend: One of the speakers talked about a 20 year old girl who had gone on mission trip one summer when she was in High School. Now, at the age of 20 (no college) she is running an orphanage for over 50 children. She is living her life offensively. She knows that the lions (Satans) attacks will be on this ministry that she is putting her heart into, but she has also chosen that lion. She has “taken ground” for the kingdom of God. Now, take another girl who went on the same mission trip, who decides to go off to college. She too will fight a lion, but it will be on his ground. She too might very well “take ground” for the kingdom, but her attack will probably come in a way that she would never have expected – Satan will use a relationship to attack her, or maybe her professors will challenge her faith, who knows? – the point is – she doesn’t know where her attack will come or even what her “lion” looks like.

For men – God calls us to be warriors – to be “wild at heart” as one author puts it. I certainly have something in me that wants a “battle to fight” and an “adventure to live.” I wonder how I can live this way? How can I be offensive for God? Which “lion” will I choose? And who are the other 4 guys I should ask to help me in this fight? God show me. I need You.