Last night I couldn’t sleep. I had my 40th birthday Friday and then Monday (yesterday) was told that my full-time ministry position would become part-time in January. They were clear that it was not performance related and this decision was also for all the other full-time programming people too. They said, “It’s the economy”. . . blah. . .blah. . . (After the original blow, I’m not sure I heard much more.) In the end, none of their reasoning (and by the way, I believe they have the best intentions) changes the situation my family is in. Bottom line: I would need to find another way to support my family by January.
So last night I couldn’t sleep. There were too many feelings, thoughts, prayers, and junk rolling around in my head. I just fiddled with the computer from about 3am ’til morning. Around 4am, Kasen (almost 2yrs) woke up and I heard him down the hall. He walked into our room to crawl into bed with Miranda and I. I wasn’t there. I was in the loving room “thinking.” I tracked him down and tried to put him back in his bed. He fought me on it and I was in no mood to fight back, so I brought him into the living room and laid down on the couch with him. He went back to sleep in my arms almost immediately. Then it happened. Was that a giggle? There it was again. Yep, it was a giggle. I can’t believe it. He’s giggling in his sleep.
My son was so comfortable in my arms that he could sleep deeply enough to giggle in his dreams.
Prayer: God, You are my Father. I know I’m safe in your arms. But I’m also feeling pretty vulnerable and insecure. Help me to trust in Your providential hands enough to sleep and giggle again. AMEN.
Kasen wouldn’t sleep tonight. He was too distracted. He went to bed fine, but then woke up around 2am. Miranda rocked him. It didn’t work. I walked him. It didn’t work. When you start rocking him, he normally closes his eyes and rests and soon he’s asleep. When I walk him it’s the same way, but tonight his eyes were wide open. I watched on as he studied my shadow as it flowed across the ceiling. Then he looked for the source of the gentle hum coming from the computer and although it was dark, he tried to make out the images in the frames on our wall. Almost like he thought it was morning and time to get up. I walked him again and by about 2:45am, he was finally back to sleep. Now it’s 3:35 and I’ve been wide awake since then.
Anyway, I’ve been up tonight thinking about God. I wonder how many times He wants me to rest, but I’m too distracted looking around at all that fills my life? How many times has He walked me hoping that I’d just rest in His arms and feel comforted by His presence? I wonder how often I have been resting with Him and then been distracted in such a way as to miss out on His real blessings? I wonder how often I have imagined that it was time to be finished with my time with God when He had more for me?
Lord, help me rest in You without distractions.
Here’s some stuff I learned from a podcast with Rob Bell regarding Sabbath.
Sabbath is a “gift” from God. It’s not about this day or that day or the details of how you spend it (Anytime legalism enters the picture, it becomes a “duty” and not a “gift” anymore.) God gave Israel the Sabbath when they left Egypt. While in captivity, Israel was judged and given worth solely on how many bricks they could produce. If you couldn’t produce any bricks, you could be killed. You were “worthless.” The slave master says, “Your worth is based on what you can produce,” but God says, “No! Rest today and realize that you are loved and valued. You are worthy simply because of who you are – not what you do.”
Abraham Joshua Heshel says, “Sabbath gives the world the energy it needs to exist another six days.”
What is the day of the week that you turn off your cell phone? When you don’t produce or create? When your work is simply to “be?”
Rob Bell says, “I think your soul dies without it; you may still be living but. . . .” He also says, “I ask God to put me back together on that day so I can go another six days.”
Sabbath is full scale rebellion against western/American culture.
You also have to prepare for it all week. Jews today invite the “spirit of Sabbath” in. As you prepare for it, you are reminded again that God loves you for who you are and not just what you do – the Sabbath “leaks” and “bleeds” into the other six days.
Our western/American bodies are addicted to the adrenaline rush of our lives. If you can only pray a few minutes, maybe it’s not that you don’t love God, but that your body simply doesn’t know how to focus on one thing. We have trained our bodies and minds to multi-task, but this is contrary to Sabbath. Our brains are so used to being in 100 places, that when we ask it to be in one place, it doesn’t know how.