I have been a youth minister for 20+ years. Due to a financial struggle in the church, this past week was my first week away from it. I have many memories (both good and bad) – many friendships – many lessons-learned during this time. Here are a few of the most important things I learned:

1. Those rough students who really need Jesus, really need you to defend them, stand up for them, love them. You might even have to protect them from the church people.

2. Quality moments happen randomly in the most unexpected moments during quantity time.

3. Seeds planted where you never see fruit may become fruitful after a student leaves the youth ministry.

4. It’s the church people who will hurt you the most.

5. You’re having an impact on kids that you didn’t even know were paying attention – even those who don’t show up to your events.

6. Some of the strongest students in a youth ministry will also have parents who are modeling a life of loving Jesus. These students are the ones who always say, “No, don’t let my parent volunteer.” But the ministry can’t happen without those parents and the students are inwardly glad their parents are there.

Some of the strongest students in a youth ministry will have parents who are not even Christians. These students have “done it all” and know they need Jesus desperately. They will be the ones who will be your greatest evangelists.

Most of the students who are nominal Christians, have parents who are nominal Christians.

7. Confirmation should not be the end of a student’s time in ministry. Parents who come to you for help when their 16-yr-old son is in trouble with the law have unrealistic expectations if you haven’t seen him since confirmation. Do your best to help anyway, ’cause God can do miracles, but. . .man, it’s a tough spot to be in. It’s always best if a student has a healthy relationship with the youth minister.

8. Dads who play golf (or fish or whatever) to “be with God” are still the spiritual leaders in their homes. They still lead their children. They just lead them to the golf course instead of into a community of faith.

9. Mission trips do more for the missionaries than for those being reached.

10. “If you sleep with someone you’ll wake up friends.” (Thanks Kelly) Retreats and over night outings are important for true community to develop.

11. The size of the youth ministry budget is a better indicator than the church’s words about their commitment to youth. What a church is willing to sacrifice is directly related to their true concern for youth.

12. The future of a youth ministry is directly related to the health of the youth minister’s relationship with the Sr. Pastor (or his supervisor).

13. There will be some people who you will never make happy. Heck, they’re not even happy with Jesus yet.

14. Students will learn how to push your buttons. If you’re able, you should let them push and then show them grace. They’ll be walking down the aisle and never know what hit ‘em.

15. Jesus is always relevant.

16. Students who hang out with you will be your greatest supporters. If they keep hanging out when they graduate and go to college, you should consider them “family.”

17. Don’t let ministry get in the way of family or a healthy marriage. Your commitment to them may be the greatest thing you’ll ever teach a student.

18. There are some families who are actually living out God’s call for parents to lead their children. These students may not “need” the youth ministry, but they can be great assets.

19. The greatest youth ministry is the one that can run itself when the youth minister is gone.

20. If you love Jesus and you love students, you’re qualified for youth ministry.

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Some other stuff I’ve learned: (Some fun. Some really sad.)

1. Even if your budget is small, don’t try to make your own “bungee-run.” It’s been at least 10 years, and one of my students may still have whelps on his. . . oh nevermind.

2. Even if drawing maps of Israel is not your forte, you should do it anyway. It might end up as an inside joke which unites the group.

3. Even people who don’t like being with students can be involved in praying for the ministry.

4. True community can be mistaken for cliques. Sometimes people want to feel like they’re on the outside.

5. Christian magicians might smoke weed behind closed doors.

6. Pastors might be having affairs behind closed. . .well, out in the open.

7. A good youth minister is not usually “real surprised” by how a student ends up as an adult. Habits are formed early and usually continue into adulthood.

8. Even your finest student athletes can be putty in your hands on a ski slope.

9. Spittoons in the sanctuary make people nervous.

10. Potty breaks on the road are important for maintaining dry car seats.

11. Too much hiking can cause feet to look like pudding under a thin layer of skin.

12. When mama (or the business manager) is happy, everyone is happy. Keep your receipts or she might not be.

13. Laughter is better than chemotherapy. (idea from Anne LaMott)

14. Dog bowls aren’t intended for serving eggs to students.

15. Youth Ministry Rules work for all of life too:

1. Represent Jesus.(1 Peter 2:21)

2. Stay in groups of 3 (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

3. Have Fun.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
- Mark Twain

I made a resolution to read through the Bible this year and I chose the Chronological reading plan which is offered on the youversion.com website (it’s FREE – they also have a mobile version). If you’re interested in joining me, here’s a list of all the plans you could choose from. Today, I finished Day 42 which included Exodus 36-38 – the construction of the different items for the tabernacle. Over the past month, I have read Genesis, Job, and a portion of Exodus. I haven’t read each day, but haven’t missed too many days. I have also read more to make up for the days I missed so I’m still on track. So far, I’ve really enjoyed it. It’s usually about 3 chapters a day which is more than I’m used to reading at one time. This forces me to cover more ground and look for the bigger pictures in the Scriptures. It also keeps me from getting bogged down by asking too many questions about details and then missing the main points. I’m excited about the Chronological plan ’cause once I get into some of the other books, I think it’ll be fun to see how all the stories line up with each other. I’d encourage you to sign up with youversion.com and join me.

I plan on posting an update about once a month (maybe each time I complete another 10%) so that I will feel some positive peer pressure about keeping up with this plan.

In my teacher’s alternative certification classes, we’ve been discussing what they call the “1st Year Roller Coaster” and it reminded me of some of the things I learned in my “Christian Leadership” studies at CBS. I thought it was worth RePosting. Also called “Situational Leadership,” this model is intended to help managers/leaders guide new employees/volunteers through the “Roller Coaster” by offering different styles of leadership to them throughout the process. It also helps in understanding the “Roller Coaster” and why everyone feels similar things when starting something new. Anyway, below is the description I originally wrote.

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This leadership model is grounded in the idea that different people need to be led in different ways. Let me explain the basics.



Commitment and Competence – Development Stages
Development stage 1 (D1) – People are usually highly committed to a new project, but have low competence since they’ve never done it before.

Development stage 2 (D2) – When the honeymoon is over commitment levels typically drop and competence remains pretty much the same. (This is where people most often quit.)

D3 – If they persevere both commitment and competence rise again.

D4 – The longer someone does something the better they get. Both commitment and competence continue to rise.

Directive and Supportive Behaviors
All leadership breaks down to these two kinds of behaviors.

Directive = *goal setting, action planning, clarifying roles, *showing and telling, time lines, evaluations, priorities, etc.

Supportive = *listening, praise/encouragement, info sharing about organization or self, *problem solving, asking for input, rationale (explaining the whys), etc.

* = most critical behaviors.

Putting it all Together

A “D1″ (high commitment and low competence) needs an “S1″ Leadership Style – S1 = Low Support/High Direction (leader decides) This is sometimes referred to as a “Directing” style of leadership. Motto is “Leader decides.”

A “D2″ (low commitment and low competence) needs high direction and high support since they are in the “quitting” stage. This is “S2″ style is a “Coaching” style. The motto is “Let’s talk, leader decides.”

A “D3″ whose commitment and competence have increased needs a “Supportive” style of leadership with high support and low direction. Motto – “Let’s talk, you decide.”

And finally a “D4″ (high commitment and competence) needs a “delegating” style. The “S4″ is a low direction/low support style which empowers others to “run with it.” Motto is “You decide.”

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OK -in my opinion, most of these behaviors come pretty naturally if you truly care about those you are leading. If you’ve developed a relationship with them, then you can sense a lot of this stuff. It’s certainly a good model to understand and having this knowledge will give you a way to evaluate your efforts, but it really all comes down to relationship.

This understanding of leadership could also be beneficial to parenting. Kids need to have a different type of relationship with their parents as they develop. In the first few years (1-5years) a lot of directing is needed. Between the ages of 6-12, they probably need more of a coaching-style of relationship with their parents. The parents still make the decisions, but begin having discussions to help their children understand why they are making those choices. As teenagers (if parents have done well with the other steps), parents could begin to play a more supportive role where they allow kids to make some decisions based upon the talks they have together. It’s important to recognize that this stage has “low” direction not “no” direction. In certain cases, the leader/parent must still make the decisions. By the time they leave home, (like it or not) kids will be responsible (or not) for their own actions. If a parent has been successful in leading his children as God would call him to, he would probably be comfortable delegation or even with sending his child out on his own.

Prayer: Lord, help me to be the leader and parent that You’ve called me to be. Allow me a special ability to discern where people are so that I can lead them in the way that will most benefit them. Help me to be more intentional about training others so they can lead. Grant me favor in the eyes of those I lead so that I can grow deeper relationships with them in order to bring them to new places and to understand what challenges they need or what support they need. Give me a vision which is worthy of commitment – one which honors You at every turn. Glorify your name through my life and my influence upon others. AMEN.

Risk is essential if we are going to call ourselves Christians. In Psalm 127:4-5, God describes our children as “arrows” in our quiver. That means we’ve gotta be willing to send our children (and ourselves since we are God’s children – the arrows in His quiver.) out of the safety/comfort zones and into enemy territory to take ground for the Kingdom of God. Sometimes the greater risk is to risk nothing at all. Only in risk do we discover how great our own need for Jesus is and realize His power and love for us.

Here’s a great video I saw on Donald Miller’s blog from Francis Chan talking about risk.

Seth Godin had a great post about marketing based upon some ideas from a book about comic books by Scott McCloud.

In comic books, the action takes place “between the frames” and the reader ends up telling the story in his imagination as much or more than the author/illustrator. The reader moves the story from one frame to the next inventing the action as he goes.

Godin goes on to explain that marketing works the same way. Marketers worry about the frames (commercials, print media, customer “touches,” etc.) when the action that really matters takes place between the frames. It’s not the TV ad, but what my neighbor tells me about the product that matters. It’s not when the waitress is at your table; what matters is what you overhear the other employees say behind the counter.

Anyway, I think this applies to the church too. I’ve worked for pastors who believe that the greatest thing a staff person can do is to make your Sunday morning worship experiences exceptional – that the majority of focus should be on what happens on Sunday mornings. I’m not saying a good worship service is bad. It’s just that there’s so much more. A focus on Sunday morning worship is like focusing on the frames. The “action,” the part that matters, takes place between the frames. It’s the conversations in the parking lot after church – or the invitations to lunch. It’s the smiles shared by one church member to another when they see each other in the mall. It’s the informal gatherings of friends in each others homes. It’s the prayers that are lifted up during the week for a hurting friend – the donations given to someone in need. Real marketing isn’t organized and produced, it’s a natural expression of who we are.

How can we infuse churches with this sort of “between the frames” kind of thinking? What does it take to influence a church culture to become a “comic book culture” with it’s members creating the action between the frames?

Anyway, all this is to say. I’m striving to a “between frames” kind of guy. I pray that God (by His Spirit) will lead my imagination and help me create the story which will move the action to the place where He wants the next frame to be.

Does it really matter which Hollywood couple is getting divorced this week? Or who had a fight with the paparazzi? (If your esteem hinges on the “Big Brother” conversations you have with people, then you’ve got more serious issues.) Does it matter which YouTube video is getting the most hits today? Do you really need to know about the crisis that awaits you at work when you’re at home with your family? Do you really need to check your e-mail 3-4 times a day?

Although I don’t buy into everything in the book, the term “Selective Ignorance” caught my attention as I listened to a free audiobook download by Timothy Ferriss. He used this phrase as he discussed ways to simplify life and become more focused on the things that really matter. “Selective Ignorance.” – I love it!! I feel like he’s right. With the ease of the internet and the rise of gossip TV, we’ve become information addicts.

Check out these stats about e-mail from Timothy Ferriss’ website: (Notice that these are from 2006 – I’m sure the numbers have increased.)

• 66% of people read email seven days a week and expect to receive a response the same day [eRoi Email Addiction Survey, Oct. 17, 2006].
• 61% continue to check email while on vacation [eRoi Email Addiction Survey, Oct. 17, 2006].
• 56% have anxiety if they can’t access email [eRoi Email Addiction Survey, Oct. 17, 2006].
• “Crackberry” was the official winner of the 2006 Word-of-the-Year as selected by the editorial staff of Webster’s New World College Dictionary. Blackberry addiction has been labeled “similar to drugs” in a study performed by Rutgers University; millions of users are now able unable to go more than five minutes without checking e-mail.
• In 2005, a psychiatrist at King’s College in London administered IQ tests to three groups: the first did nothing but perform the IQ test, the second was distracted by e-mail and ringing phones, and the third was stoned on marijuana. Not surprisingly, the first group did better than the other two by an average of 10 points. The e-mailers, on the other hands, did worse than the stoners by an average of 6 points [“Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” New York Magazine, Dec. 4, 2006].

All this is to say: I think we’ve got a full-blown addiction on our hands. We are addicted to being connected – addicted to information. We want to have it at our fingertips simply so we can feel like we know what’s going on in the world. I confess. I’ve fallen asleep on the couch in front of the TV on more than one occasion. By staying up for some pointless show, I knew I could be involved in the weekly conversations that I knew my so-called friends would engage in. Did I care about the show? Not so much. I was only doing it so I could be involved with my friends. Ultimately, it’s selfish. It’s about being esteemed by friends. It’s another form of “keeping up with the Jones.” But what if “keeping up with the Jones” keeps us from the real adventure that we could be having?

What if you didn’t hear about Michael Jackson’s death until a day later. Would your life suffer? What would happen if your co-workers couldn’t get in touch with you after work hours? Would you be fired?

What if we thought about these things the opposite way? What is already suffering because your coworkers can get in touch with you after work? What is the emotional toll on a man who feels like he has to check his e-mail 3 times a day? How much more could be accomplished if we didn’t spend so much time with e-mail spam or unmerited concerns of other coworkers?

Here’s my recommendation: Go on a media fast for a week. Try it. Choose to be “Selectively Ignorant.” Decide not to watch that show. Decide not to check e-mail or answer that phone call when you’re away from work. My bet is that you’ll become more focused. You’ll live in the moment more and truly “be with” people more. You’ll explore some new hobbies. You’ll rediscover some old passions that you had before. You’ll have a little more time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. You’ll probably also discover that those things you thought you needed to know really aren’t all that important. (And by the way, when you start living life this way, it’s the Jones’ that feel like they’ve gotta keep up with you.) Let’s face it. Sometimes it’s true. “Ignorance is bliss.”

PS – I realize the hypocritical message I’m sending by encouraging you to go on a media fast in a blog post, but I thought this might be the only way someone would read such an article.