Tears soothe the eyes. They moisturize the dryness. They soothe. It’s a mystery to me how this works, ’cause it goes way beyond soothing just our eyes. Tears soothe our hearts. They remind us we’re alive. Tears affect our hearts, but they also express them. The greatest moments of our lives, both good and bad, are usually accompanied by tears.
This past week (Skiing in New Mexico) was the first time I left Kasen and Miranda for any real
length of time. I didn’t really imagine how difficult it would be, but
as the day approached, I could feel these emotions welling up inside
me. I had worked all day getting ready for the trip. I loaded the church vans with the youth that night and then went back home to finish my personal packing. I had hoped to finish early so I could just cuddle with Miranda bit and play with Kasen, but they were both in bed before I was anywhere close to being ready. Then I realized, I couldn’t find my wallet. I searched everywhere. . . . Nothing. . . .what could I have done with it? Where could it be? Oh wait. . .maybe I left it in the church van when I went to gas it up. I left the house to look ’cause I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep without knowing. I found it in the van. My mind raced back and forth over all the things I had to do to get ready as I drove home. “I think I’m finally ready.” I thought as a unlocked the door to the house. I wasn’t all the way in the door and I could hear Kasen crying in his crib. “Yes!” I thought – maybe I’m demented for being happy he was upset, but that meant that I could go and comfort him. I picked him up gently and held him close as I snuggled into the rocking chair. I whispered to him and prayed over him as I rocked. It was such a tender amazing moment. I didn’t really expect it, but I cried. I did the same a few moments later as I laid down to bed next to Miranda and prayed over her as she slept.
It’s amazing to think about now. My son was actually comforted by my voice and touch. What an honor and privilege it is to be given that kind of influence and trust. I wonder now – was he more comforted by me? or was I more comforted by his total dependence and trust?
On Maundy Thursday, we did a small service and remembered the events of the last supper. As I told the story to our students, I cried again. Jesus loves us wholeheartedly. That night He had an intimate moment with His closest friends, and He gave Himself completely to them. Just as I had done with Kasen, I remembered how He had whispered to them and prayed over them. I was comforted by him. Was He comforted by my dependence and trust?
Tears reveal our hearts and soothe our hearts. If tears accompany the greatest moments of our lives, then our tears also reveal our values. What we cry about, is what’s important to us. I think I can live with that – ’cause that means that Jesus is important to me and that Miranda and Kasen are important to me.
This past weekend we went on a retreat to Camp Tejas. We called it our “Risk” retreat and focused on what it means to take a step of faith and risk moving out of the normal and into the supernatural. Anyway, I just thought I’d share one of the best moments for me. It was Saturday afternoon and we had a guy named Rodgers speaking to us about his life in Kenya. He made a reference to a story in the book of John (Chapter 5) about the guy who had been trying to be healed for 38 years. He asked if anyone knew the story and I could see the lights going on for Zach, one of our younger guys – he knew the story! He knew it really well ’cause we had studied it in Bible Study earlier this year. Anyway, in that split second of watching him remember the story and the excitement on his face – I knew that my work was worth all the heartache that it causes me. This guy knew the Bible because of something that I had been a part of – thank you God for reminding me that my struggles are worth it. Any “risk” I take for you is no “risk” at all – ’cause you’ve got my back!