Be a Hero

Personal Story:

This is really more of an anti-hero story. This is one of those times in my life that I wish I could have a “do-over.” I was in 9th grade. I was insecure and overly concerned about what my “friends” thought of me. There was a kid who started school in the middle of the year and he didn’t “fit” with the rest of the people in our school. He smelled funny and wore the same clothes to school almost every day. He sat alone at a lunch table near us every day and my friends made fun of him. I didn’t take part and say anything, but I laughed at the things they were saying and I didn’t have the courage to stand up against them. I was too scared that my “friends” would turn on me and make fun of me if I had tried taking up for him.

I don’t know what ever happened to that kid ’cause I moved away at the end of that year, but I do know that I wish I had done something to defend him. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I know now that if I had stood up for him, some of my friends probably would have turned on me and started making fun of me. I also know that in spite of the words they might say, each and every one of them would have thought about it the next time they had the chance to make fun of him. My courage would have created another hurdle that each one of them would have been forced to jump if they wanted to say something about him again. If I had stood up for him, each of my friends would have gained a little more respect for me too. They may not have ever said anything about it, but they would have seen me making the right choice and they would have probably in some small way wished that they themselves would have had that kind of courage.

As I look back, I have the knowledge of life experiences to help me see that if I had done the right thing, everything would have worked out even better for me. The problem is that in the moment, I didn’t know all that. I believed that my “friends” temporary approval of me was more important than the long lasting respect I could have gained. My prayer is that you’ll learn from my experiences and do the right thing in those moments. Be the hero. Do the right thing.

By the way, I can’t remember the last time I talked to any of those “friends.” I honestly can’t even remember most of their names. Although they were important to me at the time, I wouldn’t say that they are now. Friends come and go in life and that’s okay. Sometimes we need to let ’em go ’cause they’re keeping us from being who we’re called to be.

Dad’s Word:

A hero is someone who does the right thing. No matter what. He is courageous and self-sacrificing. If it costs him something, he still does the right thing. This is sacrifice. If it is scary, he faces the fear and still does the right thing. This is courage. Some people are called “heroes” because of one brave act that saved a life, but this is not a real hero. They did something heroic, but a true hero is consistent. A hero is who you are, not something you do just one time. I pray you will “become” heroes. I pray you will choose to do the right thing in every circumstance regardless of any fear or sacrifice you might have to make.

Another important distinction here is between an actual fear/sacrifice and a perceived fear/sacrifice. They all “feel” like real fears/sacrifices, but sometimes we let our imaginations get the best of us. We should try to concentrate and focus on what we “know,” rather than what we “feel.” It may be our perception that our friends would look down on us for sitting with that weird kid during lunch at school, but would it really happen? Probably not, but maybe so. That’s what makes it heroic. There is a possibility of sacrifice, but in the end it’s the right thing to do, so you just do it. You might even have friends who would make fun of you for making that decision, but inwardly, I believe you would actually gain their respect. Even if they never admit it, you have shown them the kind of person that you are – the kind of person who can be counted on to do the right thing. They will have seen a hero.

Oh…..by the way, just ’cause nobody ever calls you a hero or even notices your efforts, does not mean that you aren’t a hero. If you do the right thing consistently, even when it’s scary or it costs you something, you ARE a HERO!

God’s Word:

Galatians 6:9 – Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Colossians 3:17 – Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1 Thessalonians 5:15 – See that no one repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.

Famous Words:

“I used to think courage was about not being afraid; but now I think it’s about being present even when we are.” – Bob Goff

“Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

“Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.” – Jim Rohn

“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.” – Mister Rogers

“The drops of rain make a hole in the stone, not by violence, but by oft falling.” #perserverance – Lucretius 95BC

“That’s how we’re gonna win – not fighting what we hate, [but] saving what we love.” – Rose in “The Last Jedi”

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” – Ambrose Redmoon

“Courage is fear that has said it’s prayers.” – Karle Wilson Baker

“My heroes are and were my parents. I can’t see having anyone else as my heroes.” – Michael Jordan

 

Be Optimistic

Personal Story: “Better” from Stevecorn.com

When I was in High School, I worked in the paint department at Sears. Mr Mahoney was an older man (maybe early 70s) who worked across the aisle from me in the sporting goods department. He was always smiling and would be the first employee to jump on the treadmill and start running to demonstrate the product to his customers. I was young, but remember thinking that I wanted to be active like him when I reached his age.

I didn’t work in his department so I had a pretty casual passing-in-the-stockroom-type relationship with him. When I’d see him, I almost always said, “How’s it going?” He always answered, “Better.” I never really gave it much thought, but one day Mr Mahoney didn’t come to work and the word around the store was that he had been admitted to the hospital for some sort of cardiac (heart) treatment. We wondered if he’d ever return, but after a month or so, he did.

He didn’t really run on the treadmill like he had done before, and we all wondered if he’d be able to keep up with the job. As I passed him in the stockroom later that week, I greeted him with my usual “How’s it going?” As soon as it came out, I felt guilty, but his response was still the same. “Better.”

That particular day, we had a little more time and so he went on to explain that every day was better than the one before. Even if things were looking down or not going so well, he knew that he was a stronger man and would grow through whatever circumstances he endured. He knew that each day prepared him for the next and that he was a better man each and every day in spite of his circumstances.

I think I became a better man that day too.

God’s Word:

Philippians 4:12b-13 – I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…… I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Romans 5:3b-4 – ….suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame.

Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Romans 12:2 – Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Dad’s Word:

Don’t allow garbage thinking to enter your mind. When you watch scary or dirty movies, you invite crazy images and ideas into your mind. When you focus or obsess over things that make you depressed or sad, you will struggle to find hope. Sadness invites “self-absorbed pity-me” thinking which in turn brings more sadness. It’s a vicious cycle that only Christ can break. Think on Him. ‘Cause the opposite is true as well. When we think on Him…when we focus on Him, we see hope in the midst of chaos. We recognize His presence in the craziest of circumstances and we find beauty everywhere we go. He is always working in our midst and when we look for Him, we will find Him. Think on Him. Praise Him when you find Him – cause you will – you will find him – you definitely will.

Famous Words:

Still he (God) seeks the fellowship of his people, and sends them both sorrows and joys in order to detach their love from other things and attach it to himself.” – J.I. Packer

“The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, I am. Losers on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can’t do.” – Dennis Waitley

“Optimism increases explorative behavior and innovation, which is why so many entrepreneurs are on the optimistic side.” – Tali Sharot

“There’s no such things as ‘idle thoughts;’ every thought reverberates in the body and constructs some reality, for good or ill.” – Leonard Sweet

“Mountaintops inspire leaders, but valleys mature them.” – Winston Churchill

“The shadow proves the sunshine.” – Switchfoot

Song:

Shadow Proves the Sunshine – Switchfoot

 

Faith – Be Adventurous

Dad’s Word:

The pieces will never line up perfectly. You won’t ever be “ready.” You may not have the financial ability to do something. It may never look like things are going to work out, but sometimes we’ve got to step out in faith anyway. According to Scripture, we are saved by “grace” (God’s gift) through “Faith” (our trust).

God’s Word:

Ephesians 2:8a – For by grace you have been saved through faith.

Dad’s Word:

There will always be a “faith” factor. God is gracious, but He doesn’t take all of the doubt away. The stars will never align perfectly for you to make the decision. Sometimes the “faith factor” will be large and other times it won’t be as big, but there is always an element of faith involved in every decision we make. Even choosing which cereal to put in your bowl requires faith that your choice hasn’t gone stale. Choosing your spouse is a bigger one. You will never know perfectly if he/she is the right choice ’cause there is always a “faith factor.” In those situations, we look at fruit in their lives; we look for evidence of Godly decision-making and a lifestyle that reflects the character of Christ. The evidence will never be enough, but it gives us a solid place to stand when we ultimately put our faith in Christ. (By the way, having a strong marraige is more about “being” the right person than about “finding” the right person. Check the “Marriage” section of this book.)

One classic example that illustrates faith is that of a car driving down a dark road. The headlights won’t show you the whole road, but they will show you enough to drive the next few feet. Faith works like that sometimes. When we have been faithful for the first few steps, God will reveal the next few steps to us. He has a good reason for doing it this way. You see, if He told us the end, we’d look for ways to get there on our own, but doing it this way, we become dependent upon Him; Our relationship with Him grows and we begin to trust Him even more through the process.

God’s Word:

Genesis 12:1 – Now the Lord said the Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.

Dad’s Word:

Abram left everything he knew without knowing where he was going to end up. He only knew that God would be with him because God has said that He would show him where his land would be. This is faith – traveling to a place you do not know simply ’cause you trust and love the One who travels with you.

God’s Word:

Luke 16:10 – One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.

Matthew 25:23 – His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.

Famous Words:

“Faith is jumping off the cliff and trusting that God will build more cliff.” – Dustan Thrift (friend, ex-student – not “famous” words)

“The steps of faith fall on the seeming void, but find the rock beneath.” – John Greenleaf Whittier

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

“Faith is not something that goes against the evidence, it goes beyond it.” – Alister McGrath

“Reason can only get you to probability, but only commitment can get you to certainty.” – Tim Keller

“Faith is like radar that sees through the fog – the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.” – Corrie Ten Boom

“Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading.” – Oswald Chambers

(When he didn’t have a job.) I’m excited! God has us in His hands & I’m imagining what He’s planning on doing w/us…well, I’m a bit anxious too. Faith & Fear together. – Steve Corn (not-so famous words)

“Unbelief = putting circumstances between you and God. Faith = putting God between you and circumstances.” – Mark Batterson

“Where reason cannot wade, there faith may swim.” – Thomas Watson

“Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” – Oswald Chambers

“We can pray for rain, but faith brings an umbrella.” – Unknown

Personal Story:

Before asking your mother to marry me (the greatest adventure of my life), I went to her parents to ask their permission; to get their blessing. I was working as a youth minister and didn’t have a college degree. I didn’t have much money and wasn’t sure how I would support her, but I knew that God was leading me to pursue her as my wife. Gigi and Papa were concerned about how I would support her. I remember telling them that I really didn’t know how it would all work out, but that I felt like if I listened to God as He led me to marry her, He would also lead us as we looked for a way to begin our family and relationship together. If I was faithful right now, I believed He’d be faithful to show us the future. If I was faithful in the first step, I knew I could trust Him with showing us the next step. Gigi and Papa gave me their blessing that night ’cause they recognized the very same thing – that God leads us one step at a time. We’ve got to have faith that He will lead us to the right place even though we may never know where that place actually is. Since that time God has taken us on an incredible journey with lots of ups and downs. We’ve had plenty of other opportunities to learn to trust Him. Each time, He has proven faithful.

Train Up a Child

Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

I don’t know what you hear when you read this verse (or hear someone using it to tell you how to raise your child), but this is what I hear: “Raise your kid right. Teach him all the rules about how to live a Godly life and how to treat other people and when he is old, he will live that way. Train him to be a Godly man, and he won’t go down the wrong path. Whatever you teach him or forget to teach him, will determine how he will live and if he will be a productive member of society.”

Well..I hear something like that anyway. However, this is NOT what the Scripture says. I’m not going to debate all the ins and outs of what I hear, but I do want to point out what the verse actually says. Charles F Boyd says:

“The phrase ‘in the way he should go’ does not refer to some prescribed path that every person should follow. In the Hebrew language, the phrase is better rendered, ‘according to his way.’ And the Hebrew word for ‘way’ is derek, which literally means ‘bent’ and refers to a unique inner design or direction.” 

This verse is not about rules and a path, but about a relationship with my children. It means I’ve got to learn how God made them – their spiritual gifts, their skills/abilities, their passions/heart. I need to work at God’s side. God designed my children a certain way for His specific purposes and my role is to watch them closely, to recognize God’s handiwork, and then to join Him to strengthen and grow those gifts within them. I need to pay attention to the people in their lives and the opportunities that God presents to them. All of these things can be pieces to discovering God’s will for their lives. In order to “train them up in the way they should go,” I’m going to have to know something about the way they should go. Building close relationships is my best chance at getting that part right.

In the world we live in, it’s clear that people are able to accomplish more when they operate in the their strengths. That’s what this verse is about: finding our kids “strengths” (spiritual gifts) and then training them to develop those gifts to their full potential.

Me too

“Me too.”

I believe these are incredibly powerful words. These words connect us to other people. They build bridges, communicate love and support. These words demonstrate empathy and bring us together. When I think about it, the people I have to most “me too’s” with are the people I am closest to in this world. Our shared experiences, our commonalities, draw us together and hold us together. “Me too’s” are important.

When someone is struggling, the words “me too” help others to see that they are not alone. When we say it, we’re saying that we are with them, that we understand, that we care and can see why they’d feel the way they do. Even if we have never been in their situation, we can almost always try to put on their shoes and say, “Me too. I understand why you’d feel that way.” We may not ever be able to imagine HOW it feels, but we can seek to understand WHY they’d feel that way. Either way, “Me too.” is powerful. Sometimes (I’m thinking about grief in particular) we don’t even need to say “me too.” Our presence alone communicates it.

When someone is celebrating, a “me too” celebrates too. It strengthens our relationship. When I was a youth minister, it became more and more clear that one of the best things I could do for a student was to show up at a game they were playing or a concert where they were performing. Those experiences, “being with” them became “me too’s” between us and helped draw us closer to one another.

Romans 12:15 – “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

My hope is that I can become more aware of the moments I have. I want to say “me too” more often. I also want to live in a way that creates more “me too’s.” Of course I can’t be at everything I’d like, but I plan to be more intentional about “being with” people. My prayer is that you guys can all join me and say, “Yeah, me too.”

Home and Hurricanes

Home is where my family gathers. We laugh. We play. We cry. Home is where we settle our lives and work through our difficulties. Home calls us away from strife and beckons us into its’ safety. It’s where we find true rest. It’s where we find peace. Home is where we’re fed and filled and find satisfaction. Home is where we are meant to be. I love home.

My house is not my home. As we evacuated our house and our town this week, these things became much more clear to me. I looked in the rearview mirror and watched all of our earthly possessions grow small and smaller, shrinking as we distanced ourselves from the path of the hurricane. It was very surreal. This week, I have struggled between the fear of losing everything and the knowledge that we already have all that we need in Jesus. We have our family and yet, my faith is intermingled with unbelief.

“Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.” – Mark 9:24

When we drove away, I made some decisions. I decided that I was willing to lose everything that we left behind. I “let go” of our house. I now understand, that I was able to make that decision with confidence because I knew that we would always have a home. Jesus is our home and He has promised to never leave us. He is with us even in the midst of the hurricane. Would I miss certain things? Of course. Mostly things with sentimental value…. Items that are “more” than they actually are. However, in the end, even those things fall short of what Jesus Himself can provide.

Read my first paragraph again:

Jesus is where my family gathers. We laugh. We play. We cry. Jesus is where we settle our lives and work through our difficulties. Jesus calls us away from strife and beckons us into His safety. He is where we find true rest. He is where we find peace. Jesus is where we’re fed and filled and find satisfaction. Jesus is where we are meant to be. I love Him. 

 


PS – We have returned from our evacuation and our house has remained dry. Everything has remained the same. However, I have not remained the same. I have been changed. As a community, we have much work to do. I plan to help my neighbors. I’m praying that together we will experience this true “home” as we work side by side. Pray for us.

 

Crash – Kesleigh’s Tree

While skiing during Spring Break, Kesleigh hit a tree with her head! She was flying down the slope and was out of control, but she was too scared to just lay down and fall. Instead she sped down the slope, crossed another run and ran straight into a tree. As a dad, I watched in horror  and screamed. My heart sunk as her head bounced off the tree. She was wearing a helmet, but I could see her little eyes close as she fell to the ground and then she didn’t move. I imagined the worst. Was she alive? Was she paralyzed? I was there in just a couple seconds, but those seconds were long, difficult, and frightening. She was conscious. She was crying and scared, but she was alive and appeared to be functioning in every way. I was relieved and thanked God as I grabbed her little body and held it close to mine. I just held her for a while. I was grateful for helmets. Hers had a dent about the size of a softball on it.

Someone came by on a snowmobile and asked if we needed Ski Patrol. I declined and said that I thought she was OK. I was right. She was OK physically, but emotionally, she was not OK. She didn’t want to ski again. She was done and I must admit that I understood why. She had experienced something that would have shaken anyone.

Together, with many tears, and at a very slow pace, we worked our way back down to the lift and then back to the house where we were staying. She opted out of skiing the rest of the day. I didn’t blame her.

The next day, she wanted to try again and so we went out with her cousins and everyone. She was a different skier. A slower skier. A more controlled skier. Unfortunately, at her new pace, she couldn’t keep up with the rest of the group. We had to let them go on without us and so she cried. Grandma stayed with me as I watched over Kesleigh. She didn’t enjoy herself that day. She was sad that everyone went on without her, but she was too scared to speed up. She cried that her legs hurt. She whined saying she couldn’t go any further. She laid on the slopes and refused to get up over and over again. I don’t think she smiled the whole time we were on the mountain together. Skiing was not fun for her anymore. As her dad, that broke my heart, but I must admit that I was not having any fun either. I was growing weary and impatient with her whining and complaining. Yes, I knew she came by it honestly, but I also knew her potential, and I didn’t want to let her settle for staying home and not skiing. She had already fallen in love with skiing and I didn’t want to allow her to deprive herself of all the fun she could have simply ’cause she was scared. Fear can do that, but I felt like this was a perfect time for a lesson in perseverance. (It would test my own as well.)

For the rest of the day, we struggled. She didn’t want to stop, but her pace, her whining and complaining and crying made me want to stop. Even grandma grew weary and tired of Kesleigh’s attitude. When we got home at the end of the day, my mom told me that she thought I should win the “Best Son” and “Best Daddy” award for staying back and watching over them on the slopes. I was shocked ’cause I didn’t feel like I had been a good dad at all. I was really feeling impatient and tired. I felt like I had been short with Kesleigh and maybe even pushed her too hard a few times. Mom thought I had been patient, but mom didn’t know the thoughts that I had been fighting all day.

Here’s what I realized. I can be really patient and I don’t mind going slow when there is effort being made. As long as we’re moving forward, I’m OK with slow and methodical. I struggle when there’s complaining and whining and excuses. At those times, I’m not patient at all. I just want to keep moving forward and none of those things helps the process so I grow weary and lose patience.

Here’s my plea: If you need someone to be patient, put forth some effort. Don’t whine, complain, or make excuses. Just keep working toward the goal.

I can be patient when there is effort. I think we all can.

PS – The 3rd day, Kasen chose join us to help his sister and she did much better. By the end of that day, Kesleigh was back to her normal pace, but wiser with controlling her speed. That’s my girl!!! Proud of my boy too for sacrificing some of his ski time to help his little sister.

Worst Dad

Kesleigh told me I was her “Worst Dad.” She went on to explain that her other dad was God. I guess that means I’m OK with being her “worst dad.” Maybe that should even be my goal? Keep propping up God and showing her how great He is so that I sort of fade into the background of her life. Wow….it’s hard to say that, but that’s truly what I want. I want her to be so in love with Him that I’m secondary. I want her to know that in Him, life goes on and she can find everything she needs with or without me.

Presence

The word “love” has been hijacked by our culture. It’s misused all the time. We “love” certain foods and as culture defines it, “love” changes with our emotions. This is why divorce is accepted and rampant. Even with all the talk about it and obsession with it, we don’t know what “love” is.

When Jesus left the earth, it was his “presence” that He expressed to us, not his love. I wonder, “Is presence the full expression of love? Jesus presence on the cross in our place – His presence in our sin.” The people who have the strongest marriages our our world are those who have been “present” with each other the longest. When my own marriage is at it’s best, it’s when we are fully “present” with each other. The closest relationships I have in this world are those people who I have been with the most – That includes both family and friends. Maybe “presence” is more important than love? (Probably not, but considering the way our culture has defined love, maybe this is a better way to think about it?)

I wonder what our world would be like if we started valuing “presence?” Would our marriages last longer? Would we put down our cell phones more and be with the ones we’re with?

In times of grief, Jewish people “sit shiva.” They just make themselves present with those who are mourning. They aren’t expected to say anything or do anything – simply “be” with each other. This is an example of valuing “presence.”

In his story “The Places Outside the Maps,” Doug McKelvey speaks of a man who has gone through many struggles and says of him, “It had never been answers he had sought in his sufferings, but presence, and that presence was here and was itself the thing that had always stood – from the foundations of the world and even before and even after – in the place that answers could not. Before the questions had been asked, the presence had already been given.”

I’m really just asking questions today. This idea was thought provoking for me.

What do you guys think?

Better to Give?

“It is more blessed to give than receive.” These are words that we hear often during the Christmas season. However, whenever I hear it, I usually have this little “cringy” sort of thing in the back of my neck. (No. “Cringy” isn’t a word, but it’s the perfect adjective for my feeling.) Here’s why I feel this thing:

James 1:16-17a – “Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.”

Ultimately, Jesus is the only giver. We can’t be givers ourselves, unless we have received from Him first. We must first be receivers before we can become givers. Anything I can give to someone else, well…anything that’s worth giving, in some way first came from Jesus himself. Maybe this is also part of why He made this statement. He understood that anyone who is a giver has already received from Him. We become “more blessed” when it all comes full circle and we begin to reflect who He is as the giver.

Psalm 23:1 – “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.”

If we are in Christ, we are given all that we need. There’s nothing we need that He will not provide. This is the meaning of the phrase “shall not want.” It means He will provide and we can live satisfied and confident that we will be given all that we truly need. As people who have all that we need, we are in the perfect position to share. . . to give. When we realize that most of our stuff is just stuff and the things we truly need can not be taken away, it becomes much easier to give. Not only is it easier to give, but giving actually becomes a natural expression of the love we have for others. We also begin to reflect the character of Christ to others as well. At that point, we also become more grateful to Christ for all that we have been given and ultimately, we worship and glorify Him. 

 

So, I’m in agreement with Jesus. “It is more blessed to give than receive.” But I’d like to point out to the world that we can’t give until we have first become receivers of the greatest gift in the world – Salvation in Jesus Christ. That alone is the greatest blessing, but we become EVEN MORE blessed when we begin giving to others out of this abundance. Our primary position is one of “receiver” and then our goal should be to become a “giver.” Or maybe the better way to say it is that our primary position should be to “give” good gifts understanding that the only way to do that is to receive from Christ first?

What do you guys think?

 

PS – I don’t think this has any real bearing on my previous thoughts, but it’s interesting to me that these words of Jesus (“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”) are not recorded in the Gospels. They are recounted by Paul (Acts 20:35) as he speaks to the Ephesian elders. There are many things that Jesus said which are not recorded in the Gospels themselves, but this is the only one which is referred to by Scripture itself.